Comics Not Dead!

Other than Marvel seemingly retitling this book every six months instead of just relaunched the damn thing, oh wait they did already! Regardless of that fact Christos Gage is one of the best writers in Comics and especially Marvel. Let's be honest until him and Dan Slott aka I stole the live action of Dirty Pair but you can't steal my comic, got a hold of WM he was pretty gay... I mean that in a nice way... I suppose. There's this mystery surrounding him about what the hell happened to his face, why he needs to recharge his battery, and why the hell he even has a battery? There's not a lot to say about the story of this book because it's just getting set up. WM goes to a secret location that Tony's digital ghost sends him to and another one of the IM supporting character is there waiting for him. They find out about the whole "Skrull thing", and the base turns into a giant War Machine. There's the whole I don't trust you, I would have killed you already if I were a Skrull, nothing new there but Sean Chen's art is fantastic the character's are fantastic and frankly both should be left on the book because really when I think Iron Man family I think Sean Chen art. Also Gage makes IM cool for two seconds after almost a year of him being a duche bag sandwich. Tony's digital ghost pops on and he says, "Jim... avenge me!" Now granted Tony's not dead but how fucking cool is that? Iron Man's like, "Hey... Fuck the rules go get me some satisfaction!" Then the Stones kick on and everyone stops reading but that didn't happen so don't worry about it. This is best Iron Man related issue I've read since Warren Ellis and frankly I can't think of a better writer to take over after Ellis leaves a book, i.e. Thunderbolts! I'm pretty sure after the story arc Gage and Chen will both be off the book but maybe if a few more assholes buy the damn thing instead of the lack luster Invinicible Iron Man, they keep them on the book or return them to the book. That's all I have to go to work and this damn thing isn't even funny so fuck off and remember this is all a joke to you... you bastard!

I'm going to be nice this once and say this... SPOILER! I'm also going to say that this book was very good and fuck anyone who said it did Secret Invasion better than Secret Invasion did. It's stupid to say that a book that spun off from the main title could be better than the main title before the main title is even done. On to the issue. Captain Brit can do anything he wants, his mind is the limit so if he thinks he can lift the sun... he can do it. Blade is joining the team... remember how Blade is a crappy character in the Marvel U and truly belongs in his own universe so that he makes sense? You don't? Well then now you know it and can start hating it. Also remember that Blade series that wrapped up sometime in 2007 if I'm not mistaken, in which he cut off his own hand and Shield or someone gave him a fakey and also how he went back in time and unknowingly saved his father from being killed by Doom (Who would be ancient if this where accurate) and his Father then went on to bite his mother which means he created himself... and his dad was white... like pastey white oh and also bald... well, they kept that... I don't know why either.

The rest of the characters and the rest of the story that's going on are really good, it's just the fact that Blade not only feels out of place but the a fore mentioned Blade series pretty much made Blade an asshole who basically would cut off his own hand to kill a vampire and doesn't care about the "big picture." Well he's still like that, an asshole, uncaring and relentless. So he kills Spitfire at the end of the issue and frankly if you're surprised by that it's because you didn't read the twelve issues of Blade that I keep bring up, because if you did you would have called this issue just from the cover alone. Frankly Blade is craptacular and Spitfire was really good in Brubaker's early Cap issues so it's a shame that she's dead... or is she? I don't know but after basically setting the stage for Blade to kill her if she remains alive and him on the team he better just spend all of his time trying to kill her or it's inconsistent with the character they've just established... gee I wonder what will happen? I hope she is dead at least that way he be efficient and crazy. It annoys me when they're just crazy and can't get anything done like groceries, or killing vampires you know what I mean. I was enjoying the book a lot until Blade pooped all over the page and frankly every page he wasn't one was a good one... did I mention he has a fake hand... man I can't believe they kept that... fucking Marvel!

The thing about the X-Men is that they are very much like Batman and Superman... they're out of stories to tell about them. Everything you could possibly say has been done, for better or for worse. The X-Men, in case you didn't know moved to San Fransisco... the um, happiest place on earth. I guess Marvel was just really desperate to have a team on the east coast so that people would stop calling bullshit on everything happening in New York. I wonder at what point the X-Men stopped being for everyone and just became for under-laid men? In fact when did comics just become one big sex joke? I mean tastefully done it can be hilarious, but a rant from Emma about how much her stockings cost and that she only kneels in them if she really must, wink, wink; is just pathetically bad. Not only I was I able to see the set up coming a mile away but the punch line (for lack of better words) sucked!

You'd think that the team that made people take Iron Fist serious would take the same approach with the X-Men instead of putting something out there that any lazy ass fanboy could write and probably has written. There's just nothing going on with this story, it's all over the place and with no signs of stopping. Recently in my life I've stopped reading books based on how long I've collected them, I've decided not to be one of those readers that continues reading the book even when it's bad just because I always have before. Uncanny X-Men, no slate that, X-Men as whole have become unreadable. In an attempt to make them popular again Marvel has shaken up the pot one too many times which has left me just not giving two shits about what type of car Wolverine drives, or Cyclops' sex life, or how Beast just really seems like a total tool. It's not that I dislike the team or the costumes or the loca... no I do hate the location, I just don't care for anyone's take on the characters right now.
You know what works best for team books? One character narating the issue, you get to know that character and then you move on to the next. Now I know your team, your take, your feel for the book rather than 32 pages of people taking and honestly if they didn't have word bubble leading right to their damn mouth I would swear they were the same person talking over and over until I put a gun right by my ear and pulled the trigger instantly deafning me for life... and seriously San Fran? You have a team that fights evil, that's the basic structure of the X-Men, why not put them in the city that has constant danger and free storylines just by reading the news... San Fran? Why the hell not Oakland or at the very least Sacramento? Shit San Diego is the most obvious choice, after all that's where nerds of every clothe come once a year to meet and mate and mastrabate over everything NERD! But hey the 9er's use to be good right?

I don't think I care for Greg Land either, I mean I'll still enjoy Brubaker and Fraction's other books (until they fall down this same path that is) but this is it for Greg Land he doesn't have any other books... just this highly inconsistant, photorealistic, Beast's head looks like the Lion from Narnia, nicely colored book. I've liked Mr. Land's art in the past, I even like it when I looks like a celebrity. What I don't like is when Cyclops' head and face don't look like they belong together, or when suddenly Emma look's like a body builder, or Dazzler just looks like some chick off the street in spandex because really if they didn't have costumes you'd never be able to say, "Oh yeah that's Dazzler alright look a the jaw line, wait a minute... didn't she use to have short pink hair?" That's the problem with Mr. Land's work everyone looks the same and really it's the colorist that has the hard job of figure out who the hell everyone is.

One day I'm sure I'll pick up X-Men again, just like I have with Bat and Supes, and maybe they'll be a writer that gets the characters that were established long ago and will return them to something I recognize rather than something that I detest and wish to spit on. Someone like Geoff Johns that understands what made the character great and is putting them in new situations rather than a new personality. Brubaker stick to Criminal and Daredevil... and Cap (Still good so eat shit) and Fraction... hurry up with Iron Man will you it's boring the shit out of me.. but your Thor is really good! As for Mr. Land, well he moved out of the neighborhood shortly after, his dad got a job in New Mexico... I told him to always wear a hat. That was the best summer of our lives, well at least mine, at least mine.

Just thought I'd post some previews that stood out to me I'll probably post some more stand outs from the rest of previews... whenever I feel like scanning them... or not.

The first issue sucked... it felt like I was reading Duo Stars again and that really sucked. I wasn't going to read the second issue but when I went to get comics it was already in my box. Oh the joy's of having a subscription service! I decided to just get the second issue and give it another shot. I wouldn't say that it blew my mind with an original concept or anything to that extent, but it was actually pretty good. The thing I like about independent comics is that they only have three extremes of art... good, bad and different which almost always falls right into good. The art is good the color is good and mix them together and it gives the book an almost gloomy feel that the future is not okay. Oops! The cats out of the bag! Yeah in the future (Summing up the first issue for you) the corporations own everything... and it sucks... a whole bunch... of cocks. There's giant "MECH" racers that have replaced all other sports (Think Rollerball the original not the shitty remake and Nascar) It's dangerous (Rollerball) and sometimes innocents get hurt (The Black Diamond).

Well like all things legit there's an illgeal underground version of it. Gangs of racers will go against each other for money or a decent meal really, I mentioned that the future sucks right? Like Too Human bad! Yeah! That bad! Once a year the Freedom Formula takes place, which is the biggest underground race and the corp wants to infilltrate it and shut it down. It's chipping into their profits and they can't have the future not blowing ass in grandma's face.
Now if you're a fan of Gundam Wing (which I am) then the next plot device will seem familar. This guys kid can handle the mechs naturally and with ease. Being that it's only the second issue there's still a lot of mystery to the book, I haven't told you the mystery because what's the point of reading the book? Fuck it, so the corporation sends in it's best racer to ruin FF (not fantastic four!) and it turns out to be a clone of the kids dad! Or is it! Don't you wish you read the book now!

The second issue was really good. I didn't even go into the characters and frankly the book does a much better job of building the mystery than I did. Again this is just me talking about the book and yes I use dirty words and gross out humor to... well hopefully make you laugh! Take it with a grin and remember this is just a blog (not paid) I'm doing this on my own (all alone). Lastly remember this is only really funny if you read it really, really fast!

If you're not already reading this book due to it's rather cool title than let me say that you should not read this book. You will be let down to find that it is not some new creative modern day comedic look at Giant killing. And you'll probably hate the fact that it reads just like any managa that you've ever read only with a flow that makes sense to western audiences. And no I didn't capitalize managa because I don't capitalize comics ever time I type it either. (PS this blog only works if you read it really fast) What you will find if you read the book which is already on issue three due to the fact that Joe Kelly knows what a "monthly" book is suppose to be; you'll actually find an interesting story about a girl that kills giants... I know, I know, it doesn't make a damn lick of sense. That's the intrigue of the book so far, is she really going to kill a giant? Or is she as crazy as everyone thinks she is?

The book is in black and white with everything inbetween and thank god that it is! So many Image books are plauged by inexperianced colorist and inkers that destroy any half way decent art leaving ugly unreadable books. That is NOT the case here. Niimura does a wonderfully job from the cover all the way to "Creative Process" mini strip in the back of the book. His inking is great and he doesn't make the book look like another Miller knock off. His usage of grey is probably the thing the makes the book stand out the most. This book really caught me off gaurd, I came for the title alone but what made me stay was the story and art.

Now a few misc things: No adds! until the back of the book which is typical of any Image book, they do after all need to promote thier own titles. The cover stock of the book has that really great thickness that the Ultimate books started with (before they started to suck really bad!)
And finally this is just my review, which isn't really... well reviewful (Made it up!) Basically I just wanted to talk about the book and if you'd like to as well then make a comment.